At last, the weekends have arrived. haha. there are just way too many thoughts filling my mind i feel almost suffocated at times. i seriously feel like i should start reading again... its as if im losing the ability to express myself in writing, like ive got so much to say but the words are just not coming out right. it leaves me feeling a little shitty,most times id end up doing away with the idea of blogging altogether because it seems almost too time consuming, and the routine of school life that im caught up in doesnt give very much time. so there you go, perhaps that might explain the failure to update... i think writing is something ive always enjoyed. i think words hold the key to a person's heart,a most powerful channel through which we use to express our thoughts and emotions.i dont wanna lose this voice.

my heart's screaming for a clearer perspective about where my life is going, im the type of person who would spend hours just thinking about the same thing and allowing the same thoughts to run in my head untill either im tired of facing what i cannot resolve or it just doenst matter to me anymore. or it does, i just dont think its worth my time.ive been held back by doubts and overwhelmed by uncertainty, pulled down by fear and wiped out by insecurity,all of it eventually leading back to the reality that i dont know myself as much as i thought i did. i thought i could see every intricate detail that motivated my every action, i thought i knew fully well who i was and i didnt need anybody to tell me otherwise. in fact, i thought that i didnt like to be me, it just became a sort of chore having to smile at the world and laugh away the sillyness of life as if id make nothing of it when i really did.like i didnt care what people think, and they thought it would matter when it does. there are a thousand thoughts racing through my head, fighting for attention. consumed by wants and slapped by needs, overwhelmed with commitment and responsibility but effectively tempted by fatal,brief spurts of enjoyment. satisfication meets longing in the wrong place and time altogether. questions that never seem to have an answer.

i have the key to unlocking a solution to all these problems.we all do. i just wish we wouldnt lose it so often.







hold my hand and walk with me
wipe these tears from my eyes and set me free
for i know none would understand
but if there will be one
if there will be one to hold this hand.