Tuesday, April 03, 2007
You know how a blog entry would usually go- throw out all the good,the bad and everything else. and with a skillful play of words-there you go,my day. hey -it sucks here and there but something good came out of it, or at least at the end of everything- for all the shit ive had to take, I certainly need to feel better about myself and I think my friends should affirm me as well! ive given this some thought, and I laugh at the level of maturity and depth of thinking that could motivate such intense actions verbally and physically- to tear down with insult, to justify by mocking, and to loosen the tension by ‘tightening the noose’.
You loosen the knot and add pressure to it at the same time.
to allow your circumstance to decide for you if you should be a brother or if you should go against your own kind. then I also question your character,I question EVERYTHING that you so claim to stand for. not that im in a position to judge freely and act based on my judgement as he did- again it humours me that one could do so and fail to see the consequence of his actions after all this time.
for the seed of judgement that you so freely planted,such is the judgement you will also reap in due time,my brother.
i know on my part I should have gotten sense into you before sin blinded you from recognising any.i will not attempt to fabricate a lie and live with sin just as you just did,I remain unaffected, i just question. I question your identitly because clearly you lose it everytime when sin blocks all sense from coming into you and leads you to think you were right, and will always be. I question the stability of your emotions and the ground on which it is based. was it my fault? to you id say absolutely.even if it is not, id say i was at fault.does it pain you just to say those words? it does not? then I also question your integrity- your stand could very well be circumstancial.if the factors are all working against you what would you have to say? If it shakes you up right to the very core, what will you reaction be?
if it pains you then good- you are learning. yeah, this post comes across as a little serious and intense but hey- it is based on what ive had to take from a brother I always prayed would walk righteously with god,and from this episode I realise that this was the seed that he has planted way back then,the seed of judgement- and that same seed in due time reaps judgement,circumstances work against him and he is blinded from sense, denying righteous ways and walking away from god.
Am i disappointed, you ask. no.
At the very least I deserve to make the whole situation known and throw out my side of the story and how he has been unreasonable and everything,how he pisses the crap out of me?
no to that as well.
cus ive grown out of this, ive come to a point where im just gonna deny my rights and not make futile attempts to look justified in front of the world, im not putting up a hypocritical act. god knows my heart best and he’s gonna deal with that- why should I let anyone else decide how I should make my own decisions? i have no right,not even to my own life. what can i call my own? there are people who are coming of age and still live in the mindset that their circumstances control how they think feel and react without realising it is so, and its just sad.
it is god-given,this ability to think,reason,weigh and judge. but good seed planted on futile ground will reap nothing. worst- good seed planted on the wrong ground reaps destruction and ruins the harvest.
give that a thought.
It’s an in-your-face kinda reality,im not sure how many will be able to catch this and take it well enough to work for their own good, but then again im just being real for real’s sake, because this is exactly how I feel and based on THIS ground I want you to know that I will surrender my ways to god and be accountable to him- if it is righteous then so be it. If it is not- then there will be direction on how to move on from here.
I do not anticipate a time where he will acknowledge anything,anything at all. i await only to hear from god and besides that, I will just concentrate on serving god with all that i have and allow him to have free reign in what happens in the days that remain to TGIF,right up to TGIF itself. his work is still to be done, and nothing the devil attempts is going to throw me out of this course. Im not gonna let it. and if that fails,it fails. ‘If I perish,I perish.’ god’s in absolute control,what need I be fearful of? It is an extreme,really. but like I said-this is how real I have to be with myself in order to learn.
‘the one who sows to please his sinful nature;from that nature will reap destruction;the one who sows to please the spirit,from the spirit will reap eternal life.’ Galatians 6:8
I see how the seeds ive planted in the past are affecting the things of the future now, and im asking god to remove these seeds from my field so that it receives life from the spirit again and produces good crop in place of the destructive ones.
are you?
STORMcity!;
- 2:54 PM