Wednesday, February 28, 2007
...its difficult not to feel that way about him,or the things that he says and does thereafter.
God will you set my heart right before you?
things like this will not last,my friend. i can only pray that you will turn back and confess your lying ways before it gets complicated.you will tell me the truth,if you see me as a brother.till then I can only wait.anyways…If all goes well i can start recording in about a week…for those of you who have absolutely no idea what im talking about…please refer to the previous 2 entries. read up the earlier one first. :D so you all be praying for me alright?
enough talk,let’s hear it soon! hahaha. :D I pray that it will not disappoint.
things are beginning to take shape… I just couldn’t resist a recording last night….so right around ten i did quite a sudden one( note: its no where near what it will sound like eventually ah. so…) and I realised today that it was not such a bad decision after all! i went out to yamaha and on my way there i decided to give it a listen on the bus,as well as the train rides there and back. this would serve as a guage to how listen-able it was,like if people were to load it into their players and everything,how it would carry across.
good music has gotta be able to take you everywhere,it has to take you places. aight, this is NOT self-praise or anything along those lines, but what I gathered was that it was able to carry across a certain emotion, I just needed a cleaner sound, and of course louder vocals… hahaha.. the player picked up most of the guit instead of my voice because of the way it was positioned. but yeah,there’s still alota work to be done before I will do an actually recording… I need to sort out the variations and other technicalities.so people please please please,throw in some support! :D
i got this cd by frank sinatra today,he’s bloody good la! duh. haha. the epitomy of jazz, I expect no less. hahaha.
im trying to expose myself to many different genres of music so when I eventually start on other compositions, there will be variety and flexibilty. something fresh,something that will stick…
baby take me on a journey.
STORMcity!;
- 1:42 PM
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
this has been coming for a really looooong time! ive struggled day after day to come up with something, but nothing ever did come to completion,cause none of the things id write really ever meant something personal to me. they’d appear to be without spirit,and so id abandon them halfway through. this is where I stand reflects something going beyond what you usually see on the surface. It lays out my deeper desires and longings.
there you go,my first piece.
the melody’s coming toget… that being said,there are a whole lota things I still need to work on… it could take me up to about a week or so… do throw in constructive comments... (:
love.
STORMcity!;
- 5:22 AM
this is my soul’s cry
ive forgotten the sight of your hand
and I find myself asking why
I take a seat by the lake
god this is how much my heart aches
I see a different reflection
from myself I need your protection
this is me down on my knees
im pleading that someone out there sees
im right here all by myself
and god I know you’ve got so much to tell
so will you come take your place in me again
and will you save me from my pain
this is where I stand
this is where I wanna hold your hand
jesus will you please take me with you
god will you let me start anew
im running back to your embrace
im starting to see your face
your arms held out wide
my spirit takes delight
this is where I stand.
I never want to let go
this is where I hold you hand
this is where I’ll never grow cold.
this is where i stand;gifford
composed 250207;1215AM
a fully original composition;and it tells of a heartcry.
its tells of my heart's cry.
i pray you'll like it anyhows.hahaha. (;
STORMcity!;
- 4:27 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
ive been thinking about how this blog has picked up since the o levels ended…
its been an awesome ride indeed.
and yet I also feel the need to say that it is truly my prayer that what I write goes beyond a mere documentation of the places that ive been to or the things that ive done. of course it is acknowledged that such is a main component of every journal.i speak of angst,emotions,belief and perspective. and so id also like to gather readers from every walk to come share in what I have to say,not because all of it comes from me and me alone,or because what’s said here is impressive and thought-provoking(tho id very much like it to be so. humility chastens me! hahahah.)in place of that id like the things that I share to relate to you in one way or another,to provide an alternative to the way people usually think. not without considering what its like to be in their shoes,of course.this is what I ask,that you read without judgement,and read with an open heart. this is where I stand today.
ive stood corrected,many times.
let all that is written encourage,affirm,console,edify,teach,correct(or be corrected,for that matter.hahaha),relate, and bless.
and on this note I leave you. for cell. and perhaps a dinner at a mediterrenean restaurant. vinegar I have in abundance.would you like to have some? X) hahaha aight, chill! godbless.
STORMcity!;
- 8:01 AM
and talking about censorship… there’s this really really lame ass procedure you need to go through just to borrow dvds that are rated NC16 and up at this store just op my house. aight,its not really a procedure luh. its somewhat a requirement.you gotta deposit $1o,even when you’re alrd 16.and sometimes the quality is absymal. hahaha they’d rem kingdom of heaven… like half the battlescenes(which were a lot) where things got heated up and the everyone’s just about to whack the shit out of each other… it freezes. then skips till five minutes later… and then it freezes again.there you go.watching their dvds is like a ten course dinner where all they give you is the appetizers. the other nine courses get lost along the way and you never get to eat them anyway.*shrugs*
right.the tribe gathered for CNY dinner at Mandarin Gardens this evening… a fairly big condominium id say. hahaha.
the food was ay-okay…the skit that was brought over from friendship special with a slight twist to it and everything… hahaha I enjoyed it.funny stuff indeed! to everyone who was in the same table as meeee… namely Kev,Vimel,Derrick,Nigel,Kristine,Audrey, Ah ma evelyn and her cute cute cute little gal Ignez! :D hahaha.my thanks for the time toget.not forgeting,of course,everyone else who attended this dinner… the DE tribe.
my heart prays that this will represent our stand to be united as one family to take on the world for jesus.
my heart also prays that in this unity we will rise up to this time for which we have been called to bring glory to our lord and saviour and emerge victors in every arena.
we do unspeakable things...hahaha.
A brief momment of respite...a view outside @ the balcony,overlooking the pool
tossing of the yu sheng (at each other,by the looks of it)
hahahaha.
hah everything's not in yet,so this will have to do for now. :D the boys of lionel chan and terry lim. hahaha.
a facade i hide behind
a reality i hide in time
an insatiable desire to feel accepted and looked up to
to feel a part of something great
or risk appearing a fool?
his journey into reality.
for your own good,choose to be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.
STORMcity!;
- 6:10 AM
Saturday, February 24, 2007
for the record tho,the first that I write and complete has to,and will be a dedication to my saviour,who has tolerated all my nonsence,looked past my failures and inadequacies,and continues to remind me that this body is but a temporary home,that it is what lies inside of me that carries infinite value and that this is what he wants to nurture, who points out to me that his love is deeper than the deepest,higher thn the highest,wider thn the widest.to a saviour that so freely forgives,so freely gives.to a saviour that desires the best for me,to a saviour that was pinned on the cross for my mistakes,to a saviour that was whipped that I now receive healing by his stripes from all sicknesses. to a friend,councillor,father.just to know that he’s always been with me,never forsaking me despite the times when ive turned away from him in stubborn rebellion.
reunion dinner wit the DE tribe later…awesomest. :DD
STORMcity!;
- 8:04 AM
there are times whn everything just doesn’t seem to be working out for me
there are times when deception kicks in and suddenly everything I once held so firmly to becomes elusive
there are times when I feel like its all pointless,id never make the cut anyway.
there are times when the fleeting pleasures I blindly chase after cuts like a knife slowly,but surely,driving into my heart
there are times.
and they force me to think.
what is the real driving force behind my every action?
ive made countless attempts to find acceptance
fought to feel a little less rejected
wanted and needed to feel protected
but each time I returned empty handed.
Insatiable stubborness blinds me from all that I was meant to see
jesus once said that the kingdom of god is within us…and yet some of us do not even care to explore this possibility.
the implications of what he said is simple,and yet for many of us,it is evasive.
all of us,regardless of our situation, ‘have better chances at finding god in the universe within us,rather than the one that surrounds us.’ sometimes we’re all just so distracted by the ‘sights’ and ‘sounds’ of the world that when god chooses to speak,we’re not there to listen.
sometimes we give out so much of ourselves that we eventually realise what remains for the best that god has chosen for you is just a fragment of the bad choices you’ve made in the past.sometimes all we ever needed was to look within us,cus god is not beyond us in that sense, he resides inside of us as long as we allow him to. and each time we look within ourselves and see that god still stands with you, all fear is cast out and you never need to stand in the shadow of satan’s deceit.
listen not to the cacophony of satan’s lies and deceit
but immerse yourself in the symphony of god’s music
hahaha this post is abit emo la. yeah,what can I say tho.
STORMcity!;
- 4:25 AM
Friday, February 23, 2007
caught letters from IJ today… word’s been going around that it was good and everything so I decided to go check it out.
yeah it was good. felt like I was about to crash right after the show tho… hahaha.
gahhh. shit. I feel so stifled. like suddenly I cant piece my sentences toget and write properly.
right.
sinful cravings and unrighteous intentions
unjustified desires and guilty pleasures
streams of crimson
wash me clean
all I ever needed to know was that you will always stand with me
I never really needed to say anything.
STORMcity!;
- 3:47 PM
Thursday, February 22, 2007
looking back at the times when ive fought to feel accepted
the times when ive blindly followed psuedo voices that lead me toward sin,against my better judgement.
the times when ive cried out in utter frustration
the times when ive questioned if there was a meaning to all that was happening around and inside of me
the times when I feel that things could be a whole lot better thn they are now
the times when I feel inferior,lost and in desperate need for a clear direction
the times when I feel I need someone,but someone just doesn’t come by.
my bro bjornNG’s words… ‘when you’re down to nothing,god is up to something’
when you realise that there’s ultimately nothing you can do to turn the situation around,what’s next? You could say, aight, this is it,it was never meant to be. or you could say it never really was about me or what I could do anyway! so god take your rightful place in my life again.
sinful indulgence and the pursuit of fleeting pleasres lead us away from god
rules and restrictions can be the bane of our existence,and yet they can also be the claim to our persistance.
‘the sinful mind is hostile to god. it does not submit to god’s law,nor can it do so.Those who are controlled by the sinful nature cannot please god’ romans 8:7-8
this is especially true where god’s word is concerned! after all,god knows what’s best for us and therefore he steps in the the form of our leaders,our parents,sometimes even friends to restrict us from becoming addicted to what the world claims to provide.when we know and trust that god has the best plan for our lives and whatever we are called to do is for our good, as much as it can be difficult, we are able to press on toward his promise of riches in eternity. (:
hah this is really random but I pray that these thoughts will stick with you and speak to you somehow. :D
shalom
STORMcity!;
- 8:16 AM
Monday, February 19, 2007
the buffet and everything was good... we chilled out on the ps for abit before heading out toward kovan to take nel down to douby.
and we eventually watched ghost rider at 1835.
there was some time to burn before the show so we decided to pool at funkyball and shit i was not playing my best. hahaha. hey tho, we had fun. thats all that matters. (;
aight aight. here's my rev of ghost rider. ahahha.
id say its an average bangwhamkaboom that this character (who sold his soul to the devil supposedly to make a pact to save his dad from certain death) kinda delivers with quite a punch here and there. its cool and everything,but deffinitetly not one of the better ones this yr.
letters! letters!
i actually wanted to go check out this gig/music fest at fort canning part... featuring the likes of electrico,saw loser... i figured it'll be something good to go see but hey,tix were gg at S$6o... soooooo. i'll pass. :D hee.
hahaha apparently when my bro came back from LA today his luggage,along wit that of those who were in transit at tokyo,didnt come through so we'd have to wait till tmw before they'd fed it over.haha shit the coffee i had before we went to get my bro at the airport didnt work its magic.so i was like half-asleep,and really really hungry.hahaha.
that's just the way it is. My inadequacies. Search me. see what you can find. cus only he knows me best.
the tears id fight away
the things ive tried to say
so have your way in me
god you are the potter
and i am the clay.
for all you've given to me...
ive learnt to see beyond the shallowness and transience of the pleasures,desires,and temptations of this world.
so god will you give me the courage to fight.
STORMcity!;
- 6:00 PM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
so done with stumbling
when the tears stream down my cheeks
plunging into a never ending darkness
when my heart starts bleeding
when im furiously kicking
when im down on my knees
pleading that someone out there sees
your light shines through
You prove yourself real to me again
You pick up the pieces
what can i say jesus
when i stand
you'll stand with me
when i fall
you'll come quickly.
disappointments and failures
sorrow and shame
guilt and pain
i surrender in your name.
what does it take for you to see.
STORMcity!;
- 3:20 PM
i have a confession to make. hahaha. i havent been reading. which explains the dip in my standard of writing. *panics*
the sins ive tried to hide
the rules i fight to abide
hear my cry o' lord
and set my heart right.
STORMcity!;
- 8:12 AM
Saturday, February 17, 2007
went to watch epic movie today at cathay wit brandon,louis,tk and zu... gahhh. bloody lameeeeeeee la! not to mention,SICK! hah some parts made everyone in the theatre go 'aw what the hell!' or 'shit that's soooo wrong la!' or 'ughhh! yuck!' gag reflex activated! heh. so there you go.a no brainer,laugh out loud comedy. not something id pay to watch in a theatre tho.of course,thats just my personal opinion,you are absolutely free to disagree with me. hahaha.
heyyyyy! id wanna watch letters from Iwo Jima. seems like a prty good movie aye? :D something like flags of our fathers i figure? havent watched that one yet either. hahaha. yeah and ghost rider! hahaha.there's like so many movies im looking foward to this yr. they'd better be up to standard. lols!
perhaps i didnt know you as much as i thought i did.i thought you were better thn that. hahah. gues not.
well i went to meet lionel and darren as well as two other frnds(sorry! i cant rmb your names! ahhh. my mind's on idle mode la.forgive mee. :D hee.)
settled chuanlian's present. and tada! i got a jazz cd for myself as well while i was at it! hhahaa. shit i think its really rare to have someone my age listening to jazz. heh! what gives. hahaha. im tired,lazy to think,and everything else in between so ima go chill out now.
deep and sexay voice jasmine,deep and sexay voice. hahahaha.
gnite y'all.
:D xin nian kuai le! haahah damn its been a really long time since i last spoke chinese. whahaha.
STORMcity!;
- 2:03 PM
Friday, February 16, 2007
somehow things just felt a little out of place and everything…well yeah… I didn’t make it to work in time cus the bus was taking so long la! like really really long! 3o mins and still it didn’t come..there you go! was just about to flag a cab,when this guy Justin called in from café cartel and told me that he’d be able to replace me,so hey! why not! id have plenty of time to settle things… hahaha.
did you watch the vid I posted on my last entry? if you didn’t,go watch it today. I pray that it touches you as much as it did to me! its really awesome la,how i came across this vid…you’d have to find out from me yourself aye. :D hee.
even as I listened to it over and over again, it never ceases to assure me of how much god values you,me,us… for everything that we are…including our imperfections,our shortcomings. and he longs and desires to be your everything. he doesn’t just want to be a part of your life. he wants to BE your life. cus in him there is life,and life in abundance.
god stirred up something inside of me that can never be taken away.
a simple yet powerful reminder of how god’s love for us never ceases,despite the ups and downs that we go through in life.
in my darkest hour lord, you are the light that drives away my fear and casts aside my inhibitions.
In you presence I stand tall.
neither height nor depth
neither life nor death
neither the angels above nor the demons beneath
can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus
so lord take your rightful place in my heart
cause my spirit to sing of your greatness all day long
STORMcity!;
- 3:31 PM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
aight…JAE’s finally been submitted..hah.. my first three options include…
1) business studies in NP
2) business IT in NP
3) financial business infomatics in TP.
yeah,so there you go! ^^ Decided against appealing for Mass comm thru JPSAE at temasek poly… pray that I’ll fall into either of the these three courses! got up this morn feeling a little flustered-for various reasons luh. difficult time deciding where to go,what to do and everything today… shit I just don’t like it when there’s like a thousand and one other things I could do within a day, and I have to decide on one. wa! the sucky part is, I cant oblige everyone. and in the process, I don’t wanna piss anyone else either la! shoots! hahaha.
so tanning it was,with brandon and weiquan at palawan. was supposed to go out wit tomato later in the evening… and no,its not exactly a date la! Im just meeting her on valentine’s,that’s just about it. that,and the fact that… don’t tell you! hahaha. no la, nothin’s gg on aight … heh… aint gon be anything exciting for you to talk about btwn your friends … :D hee! she got caught up with stuff at work as well so I didn’t go out wit her anyway… hahaha.. the weather was ay-okay today! that big ol orange ball was high up,shining ever so brightly without a hint whatsoever of rain! whoosa. heh heh..
the tan was alright I gues… not exactly what id like,but good nonetheless. my only regret tho, is that I didn’t go to school to stop by choir … cus otherwise I would have gotten a vday present. :D hahaha.
heh everywhere I went today id see couples…. or guys anxiously holding on to their bunch of roses on the train,in the buses… yeah. let’s all face it,you who doesent have a valentine for today… are you envious? or… in one way or another,tempted? perhaps you’re longing for that special someone to cross your path. I don’t know! what’s on your mind? or should I say…what’s really in your heart? you’re either looking forward to it for some reason, or you’re not looking forward to it. for some reason also. hahaha. of course,some just take it to be any other day.whatever it is…
I don’t have a date. im not perfectly sure that special someone has crossed paths with me either.truth be told, I don’t really know what’s in my heart! I don’t kno for sure if there’s a certain gal I like. I cant say for certain either that she’s the one I truly love! all alone this valentine’s? nope! dont think so. heh.
loneliness,I think,is but a deceptive term used by satan to kick in unrighteous desires and earthly temptations. loneliness is what we use consciously or unconciously to reflect the inner heartcry for a void to be filled.loneliness tells you that your life is not complete without that special someone,that untill he or she crosses your path, your life is anything but whole and fufilled. loneliness breathes into you a poison that subtly,but surely, gives you the idea that you really cannot live without tht person,or someone by your side. loneliness eventually causes your heart to bleed in craving for something or someone that eventually doesn’t come by. at least untill it does, it just eats into you. this valentine’s, and even in the days to come… know that you’re not alone,and will never be.
I know ive got jesus christ. and he’s my hot date today. (:
im sure many of you out there would have come across the story titled footprints? It’s a really short story, ive read it many times over… and it never fails to assure me that even in my darkest hour, when I feel that im down to nothing, all alone and left to bleed silently to death(that’s just an analogy ah. hahaha) jesus,tho not walking with me,neither walking by my side,behind me, in front of me… heh,oops. im not even walking. cause he’s carrying me. read it again,tho you’ve read it many times alr! and picture in your heart Jesus in all human form… carrying you, your burdens. Your pain. your hurt. Your anger. now he’s not just had to carry one person’s burdens! he’s had to carry that of every other person that lives and breathes. he’d taken it all upon himself that he may fufill god’s will and carry out the ultimate, perfect act of love for YOU.
so today regardless of whether you have a date or not,let us not forget our first love. come back to the father,cus in his embrace strength can be found to endure,renew,assure,comfort,console,heal…
Jesus is the perfect example of love and love at its greatest.
Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak but HE is strong!
Yes Jesus loves Me
Yes Jesus loves Me
Yes Jesus loves Me
The bible tells me so
I love you Jesus
Deep down in my heart
I love you Jesus
Deep down in my heart
talk about deep,deep
down,down
deep down in my heart
talk about deep,deep
down,down
deep down in my heart.
and so i sing unto you a love song
for i know that without you i am nothing,but with you i have everything. (:
id actually recorded something for you guys. but eventually i realised it sounded bad. so here's something that's a billion and one times better. be your everything. god's words to you. (;
STORMcity!;
- 3:18 PM
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
RAWR! pay cheque for Jan came in early! Adrian passed it to me this afternoon,and its like,so pathetic la! :O
brandon told me that starbucks at bishan's hiring. for like 6 per hour. hmmmmm. heh! :D im still deciding lah.
haha adrian's been forced to clear his leave ... he's got like 42 days la! wa!
my bro's away in the US... which explains why we had a really really, really early reunion dinner last sunday. and since he's away... i figure the playstation 2's all mine aye? :D hahaha.
im still deciding on my courses.... ive got like 6 so far. so i'll need at least four other alternatives? and i havent even gotten down to ranking them yet. rahhh. i just cant decide la! god i pray you'll show me the path that im meant to walk. i'll surrender completely to your guidance and directions. cause only you know what's best for me. and i'll go wherever you call me to.
not my will but yours be done.
right,from what i know DE tribe's having talks about forming a band... hmmm. id really like to play luhs.
ive always wanted to do something like this after all.
alota people in queue for positions in the band alr tho.
*SHRUGS* hahaha. donno luhs. gues i'll have to see how things go.
boring!
i wanna play ball! like now! pssssh.
STORMcity!;
- 11:37 AM
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
let's all be real with ourselves here. if you're taking alcohol and ure under 16,chances are... you're trying to prove a point.
what's really a cause of concern here is the mindset that most teenagers have taken toward drinking... but beyond that there's also the issue of health concerns. what we dont realise is that at this stage,our bodies are not exactly able to tolerate things like vodka,(what most teenagers go for) which is hard liquor. the lesser the percentage of alcohol content doesnt mean the less likely you are to get high and knocked out. hahaha. most teenagers drink without acknowledging the health risks that come with alcohol consumption and the wrong mindset. alcohol becomes just a medium through which they are really trying to achieve something else.
some things, in and of themselves are not wrong or harmful. its only when you cross a limit and things begin to spiral out of control. and most of the time a bloody thin line sperates the two.hahaha. know where you stand. (:
STORMcity!;
- 2:15 AM
Monday, February 12, 2007
our repeated efforts reflect only the insecurities inside us...
there are many thoughts that id gathered based on what was shared... but right here and now id just like to encourage all of you reading that we are all that god has created us to be,nothing less. take heart in that fact alone cus just to know that you have a living relationship to that someone who will always be there in your times of hurt and pain, your struggles and your shame... you dont need to hide who you really are,whoever you're with.
whatever happened today... i believe enough has been said. we all know who we are and what we've said and done. like bj said, god knows what our intentions and the heart behind our actions really are... and this whole episode reflects that our hearts need to be set right again.in retrospect none of us should be pointing the blame at any one else but ourselves,cus its not about who did what,or who said this, and how someone else reacted like that. its about what's really in our heart,cus our actions that day reflected it clearly enough. we're all cool tho,right? we love each other much. its a lesson learnt, and a point of reflection. for ALL of us.
STORMcity!;
- 2:27 PM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
the results have been released at last … :D
prior to that just before the day of release many of us prob freaked out at the reality that the results were coming out in just a day or two… we’ve either attended the JC trials, or been to all the poly openhouses. some of us never really did give a thought to where the post-secondary path you’ve carved out for yourself would lead … some have given it much thought, and after much deliberation you prob alr know what you want for yourself. Im sure tho,that in one way or another all of us have given,in the least bit, a slightest thought to what life after o’s was gonna be for us. if you havent, hey- get on the last train home to reality where you really belong before its too late,for your own good. (:
After much thought I found that my grades added up to quite a decent grade after all… despite the initial disappointments.
Yeah. so its 16 for R4. i previously read it to be 16 for R5. some modules allow you to sub cca in tho,so that would give me a better score of 11. some modules only allow you to minus your cca,so I figure 14 at best? so there you go … retard momment. heh ^^ didn’t qualify for JC.and I thot id done so bloody well when Id actually deserved a lesser score.hahaha.
I expected a better grade for english. perhaps everyone would have expected that… it just didn’t work out the way id wanted it to la. so id have to settle for three. *shrugs* apparently god has pointed the way to poly … so now its just a qtn of which poly to aptly suit the courses im interested in… pray that god shows me the way and clearly directs me acc to the purpose that he has called me to. taking me out of my disappointments god reminded me of this verse in romans 8:28…
‘And we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose’ this verse stuck a chord in me during word encounter,and I felt the need to highlight it then,though not clearly knowing why. Id always thought that this was what I alrd knew! why was there a need to take a closer look at it? why did god bring me to this verse of all things? And so today it has come into full view what god had really wanted to stir up within me by bringing me to this verse. My son,when you read these words, and declare it aloud,as they depart from your lips,how much in your heart do you really believe it? it came at a time where I was feeling disappointed,inferior,afraid perhaps. Id qualify for many many courses including those that id had an interest to pursue! but nothing could change the disappointments that had set in,that I could have done that much better and I didn’t.
even as I was sharing during core group meeting … god pointed out to me that he has been faithful in every phase of my life, in every situation,every circumstance. give thanks in all circumstances! hahaha. now just how many of us can safely say that we are able to do that all the time minus the struggles,the wrestling with the will and what god really wants for us?
god never said give thanks when I have done something good in your life. god asks for us to give thanks in ALL circumstances. including those by which you fail, you stumble, you struggle. including the times where you are hurt,in pain,disappointed,rejected,alone. all circumstances. every day you’re alive,there’s still something to be thankful for.
prior to that just before the day of release many of us prob freaked out at the reality that the results were coming out in just a day or two… we’ve either attended the JC trials, or been to all the poly openhouses. some of us never really did give a thought to where the post-secondary path you’ve carved out for yourself would lead … some have given it much thought, and after much deliberation you prob alr know what you want for yourself. Im sure tho,that in one way or another all of us have given,in the least bit, a slightest thought to what life after o’s was gonna be for us. if you havent, hey- get on the last train home to reality where you really belong before its too late,for your own good. (:
After much thought I found that my grades added up to quite a decent grade after all… despite the initial disappointments.
Yeah. so its 16 for R4. i previously read it to be 16 for R5. some modules allow you to sub cca in tho,so that would give me a better score of 11. some modules only allow you to minus your cca,so I figure 14 at best? so there you go … retard momment. heh ^^ didn’t qualify for JC.and I thot id done so bloody well when Id actually deserved a lesser score.hahaha.
I expected a better grade for english. perhaps everyone would have expected that… it just didn’t work out the way id wanted it to la. so id have to settle for three. *shrugs* apparently god has pointed the way to poly … so now its just a qtn of which poly to aptly suit the courses im interested in… pray that god shows me the way and clearly directs me acc to the purpose that he has called me to. taking me out of my disappointments god reminded me of this verse in romans 8:28…
‘And we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose’ this verse stuck a chord in me during word encounter,and I felt the need to highlight it then,though not clearly knowing why. Id always thought that this was what I alrd knew! why was there a need to take a closer look at it? why did god bring me to this verse of all things? And so today it has come into full view what god had really wanted to stir up within me by bringing me to this verse. My son,when you read these words, and declare it aloud,as they depart from your lips,how much in your heart do you really believe it? it came at a time where I was feeling disappointed,inferior,afraid perhaps. Id qualify for many many courses including those that id had an interest to pursue! but nothing could change the disappointments that had set in,that I could have done that much better and I didn’t.
even as I was sharing during core group meeting … god pointed out to me that he has been faithful in every phase of my life, in every situation,every circumstance. give thanks in all circumstances! hahaha. now just how many of us can safely say that we are able to do that all the time minus the struggles,the wrestling with the will and what god really wants for us?
god never said give thanks when I have done something good in your life. god asks for us to give thanks in ALL circumstances. including those by which you fail, you stumble, you struggle. including the times where you are hurt,in pain,disappointed,rejected,alone. all circumstances. every day you’re alive,there’s still something to be thankful for.
My son,how much do you really believe that I will be faithful as ive always been to you?
so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
to those of you who have done well for your o’s … I ask that you thank god for he has blessed you according to the effort that you have in. I felt the need to share what god revealed to me today. its not really about what grades you get, that’s just another external factor,its not about what people think based on the results that you get.thats an inaccurate measure of god’s faithfulness to you. look within yourself, and reflect on how you’ve worked toward this day. and you will realise that god has been ten times more faithful to you thn you deserve. (:
so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
to those of you who have done well for your o’s … I ask that you thank god for he has blessed you according to the effort that you have in. I felt the need to share what god revealed to me today. its not really about what grades you get, that’s just another external factor,its not about what people think based on the results that you get.thats an inaccurate measure of god’s faithfulness to you. look within yourself, and reflect on how you’ve worked toward this day. and you will realise that god has been ten times more faithful to you thn you deserve. (:
STORMcity!;
- 2:27 AM
Friday, February 09, 2007
the freedom we live is one we cry out
GAHH! xD bloody freaked now ... the results will be released in no time at all...
I dare not ask for much. the flesh seeks to quench its mortal desires but i ask only that god's will be done.
there's a whole lota people im gonna nd to ring up tmw after i get the results...
i pray that i have something positive to say to them.
there he sits,staring into the vastness of the skies and admiring the bright diamond specks that adorn it,marvelling at the works of His hands.
Let loose and holler.
STORMcity!;
- 1:11 PM
STORMcity!;
- 10:51 AM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Randomness.
hahaha. was chatting with chuanlian and we were talking about how guys are well versed in this… esp toward gals.
take text messeging. *beep!* Guy says to gal ‘hey! how was school today? I went to play ball with the guys … haha.. and I was not exactly on form today .. hmm.. i should train more …’
yeah some of us are guilty of this … tho none would prefer to admit. hahaha.
now just what do you expect the gal to say…?
I suggest. (;
Gal says to guy ‘school was fine! so much homework today… I don’t think I have time to train you.’
Or….
‘school was fine! oh okay! go train! Shoo!’
‘orh. then?’
heh … ^^ a little sarcasm and there lurhs… but it really brings out a point.
Gals are guilty of this as well la! hahaha.
truth be told, when you’re trying to hit on a gal(not hit a gal)… they don’t really care if you’re not on form when you played bball with your guys today … or if you even played ball to begin with … that’s not in the least bit the ideal way to strike up a conversation with a gal. (;
not going into details.
haha ive taken a very different perspective toward this whole idea of courtship and dating ... and no,it didnt come easy. for what its worth tho ...im just that much different now.do i know what i really want in a gal? id have to say no. these things change ... i never really know what i want untill god reveals it to me. a pre-requisite tho,is that she has to love god like i do. in the least,she has to be open to the idea.so there you go! (; HAHA.
all this aside ... the o level results are slated to be released in 2 days. that being said, i really dont kno how i ought to feel. nervous... nerve-wrecked... anxious...excited... hahaha. you see,the thing is... im feeling a little of everything la! wahs! an anomally of the highest degree. haha. im not exactly excited for one reason and one reason only. relatives. hahah. its an inevitable,sad reality that people are always going to compare you with someone else. even if they dont,you know they're talking about you behind your back. well,not all of them are like so... but... just a one or two would be enough to irritate the shit out of me really! haha.enough said.
i believe that god's will is gonna be established tho, and with that i have no complaints. :D this time last yr i was still finding my place, now ive found it in god's presence and before his covenant everything else is less important. i find my rest in the knowledge that we have a god who knows what's best for us and has our best interests at heart.
PAYCHECK! 8 days to go! im counting down alr. heh. i doubt its gonna be enough! the top ten chart stating what i'll be using the cash for is just... not for the faint hearted. (;
there are so many things im looking forward to this yr! take movies for example. there's spiderman 3. 3000. TMNT.Transformers. hahaha. and of course... for god to continue to work in me and through me to be a 'pastor' in my marketplace.wherever that is. hahaha.
STORMcity!;
- 5:14 AM
Monday, February 05, 2007
to do business with god,we say.
bj,xunfu,clement and myself were the ones closest to full formal attire ...
and so for your viewing pleasure, the four sauve gentlemen of DE tribe. (;
hahaha ... the Il divo of Max pavillion ... *gags* :D
speaking of Il divo, i think they've got really [power!] vocals la!
everyone was looking at us when we walked in for PE classes this morn la! haha! cus bj,bjorn,eugene and myself were the only ones who went for classes and were like super formal? so yeah ... after class bj and i went to get this ultraman cake for Bjorn ... LOL. my idea. ;P
we were just screening through la,then it caught my attention.so what to do? hahaha. anyway,we made him pose with the ultraman on the cake and snapped a picture of it... why is it not uploaded here? you ask. suffice it to say that i dont want him to come after my ass. haha! right, so here's another one for your viewing pleasure... pictured are:darren,xunfu,clement,me,gavin,bjorn ng,Ps Evelyn,Dylan,Ps Danny,Bjorn Liu,Kevin,Eugene,Lionel,and Jing Jie.
shouldnt have carried that converse bag luhs ... spolier ^^ its not in the pictures tho. so i maintain that i still look suave and gentleman. hee!
Lionel:EH! EH! What are you trying to do?!
haha... i was just thinking ... eugene stayed at my place after word encounter on saturday night ... so i lent him a shirt to wear and it actually was quite a good fit la! wa! lost my other black tie though ... =/ stayed up till around one plus digging out ss notes and everything for bj ... was quite tired after the whole sanification week so i decided to crash early and do reflection either today or tmw... pray that i will remember ... ^^ will share about word encounter in a later entry ... today was my bro's bdae(and the second leg of the Asean football championship which witnessed the clash of the thais and the sings!)we went to this place called the Mango Tree @ ECP... it was a south indian cuisine restaurant i think ... the food was relatively good! three and a half to four stars for the food, three for the ambience. (;
this was taken just outside,along the shore ... hey im in full black la! hahaha! and it was dark ... so this picture is crap,but hey,its got me in it.... xD
now that's way better ... and this just in ... another cause for celebration cus singapore has prevailed! the thais looked so depressed. all of them had this -.- face... two powerful goals on both ends ... i managed to rush home in time for the second half of the game ... well then! gonna run now so i'll be posting more about the last week in time to come! (;
shalom
STORMcity!;
- 4:38 AM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
this was the word that god gave me during sanification week,on the very first day.
'but he said to me"my grace is sufficient for you,for my power is made perfect in weakness."therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,so that Christ's power may rest on me.' 2 corinthians 12:9
indeed,it is through the fufuillment of god's grace to us that we no longer are slaves to our weak selves,not in the flesh,because our mortal bodies are not eternal,and god is eternal. but rather in our spritual being we are far stronger because we have a god who sustains us through every circumstance.
ive always felt inferior ... its something not alot of people would know about,but its always been a deep seated struggle.
there are alot of things ive always wanted to change about myself ... ive come to realise tho,that not only does god love me just the way i am,he had created me to begin with and therefore he takes pride in every intricate detail that is his creation. even the ones that cause me to feel inferior,the ones that i want to change. we all have our imperfections, and that's what god is for dont you think?
one other thing god impressed upon my heart was when PS Julie spoke about being IN the world,yet not OF the world.
this has been my stronghold for as long as i can remember! haha! and she brought out a point about this being an impossible thing to achieve without foundational strength in god's word of truth. this really struck a chord in me!
during alter call PS eugene spoke three words to us at the alter that caused me to break down and tear...
'Son,Ive missed You...'
it was as if the words were so gently whispered into my spirit it breathed into me such an overwhelming emotion that flowed endlessly.
it was a call back to his presence. one day without reading his word,one day without soaking in His powerful presence,and god misses you so greatly!
A heart that hungers,thirsts, and is ready and prepared.
Also,PS spoke about a time when passionate pursuits result in uncontrolled rebellion.
so many times have i been deceived into thinking that the things i do would redeem me from my sense of inferiority and lonliness ... in my foolish pursuits i have forsaken my first love,and this really convicted me as well!
'seek first his kingdom and his righteousness...'
sanification week spoke alot to me ... and i cannot begin to tell you of how incredible an experience it was!
and as i share ... my prayer is that all of you reading,christians or not,will be blessed in one way or another!
PS Danny said,'wherever you want to meet god is where he will be'
'How much you desire to seek god,is how much he will reveal himself to you.'
STORMcity!;
- 2:00 PM